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TOENAILS ...SlipRock style
The world has problems, I'll agree. We read about any number of these problems in the newspaper everyday. There's AIDS, terrorism, hunger, political strife, poverty, natural disasters, and many more. As terrible and overwhelming as these may sound, they are but symptoms of some of the underlying causes of our deteriorating world situation. Medical science has, for years, known that it is imperative to find the cause of a problem and treat it, in order to eliminate the symptoms. The problems in our world are not unlike a disease and its symptoms. After having looked at the world from this standpoint, it has become evident to me that one simple step can be taken towards eliminating a major root of the foliage of world problems. People must pull their heads out of the sand, open their eyes, and face the fact that they simply are not trimming their toenails properly!

Some may laugh and many others will choose to ignore this seemingly unobtrusive problem; but none the less, this allegedly innocuous problem is having wide-ranging effects right here in America. The constant nagging of an ingrown toenail has several negative effects that are not immediately apparent. For instance, a person with this disorder will drive his car when he could otherwise have walked. This action not only increases the amount of pollution in our atmosphere, but consumes energy, in the form of gasoline, which is a finite resource. This also increases our dependence on foreign oil. Furthermore, the lack of adequate exercise by these people can cause obesity, which leads to heart disease and other health problems. Another seemingly harmless symptom is the irritability that a painful toenail can cause. Irritability, as in the case of PMS for example, can cause violent reactions or irrational responses to otherwise normal stimuli. This behavior leads to divorce, child beating and other violent crimes, as well as poor business decisions. Thus we can see already that poor toenail care has darkened not only the physical health of our civilization, but our emotional well being as well. As if it weren't enough already, the toenail-neglect-syndrome (TNS) has also permeated and weakened our economic system. As we've shown earlier, the improperly trimmed toenail can result in the physical trauma known as the "in-grown toenail", which nearly always requires professional medical treatment. One simple trip to the doctor on the part of a significant portion of the American work force results in, not only higher medical costs, but also in missed days of work. The higher medical costs will indirectly shift our allocation of income and directly affect the national debt. The missed days of work will simply lower our industrial productivity and result in our lack of competitive pricing abroad. This, as you know, is a major cause of our ever-growing trade deficit. (It might be interesting to note that Japanese children are instructed, rather young, as to proper toenail care.)

As has become obvious, the world's problems are many and varied, but the solutions are to be found in the simpler things of life. Toenail care is of the utmost importance to our civilization's survival.

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